Are you certain you really want to have this discussion?

Ok.

No.

I don't want to be "just friends".

I am not interested in trying to be in a relationship with someone who is not interested in being in a relationship with me. That's just a whole smorgasbord of emotional pain for me.

Also, I am not interested in having a ringside seat for when you meet someone you do want to be with. That's a whole level of hurt beyond the real or imagined slights of the situation I just talked about.

You might say that you don't want to ruin our friendship. It's too late for that. I just put 2 bullets behind it's ear. Either way this was going to go, our relationship was going to change. There's no reset button.

I'm sure you'd LIKE for it to go back the way it was, where I loved you without any hope of reciprocity, because then you wouldn't be losing a friend. But if I lose a love, the fucking LEAST you could do, is lose me as a friend.

To demand that I remain in your life, after I screwed my courage to the sticking place, looked you in the eye, and put myself out there for you... And was rejected, shows a deep selfishness, and remarkable lack of sensitivity for my emotions. And if that's how you really want it, Then fuck you. I'm well shut of you.

We were friends. I wanted more. You wanted less. To pretend that going forward with one another is going to be anything less than painful for me, is bullshit. And going back to the way it was is NOT second prize.

I'd like to hate you for it. It would make my emotional life much less complicated and probably be easier on my GI tract. But I don't want to carry hate around. I don't need it weighing me down.

Don't make it impossible for me to let go of that Hate.
Don't make me hate you.

Apparently LJ is axing users that don't post very often. Since i've more or less decamped out to Facebook. (Pete Sears if you're interested) I only stop in here to read Marcochacon's insightful political analysis, and keep up with some friends and my web-comics.

But it might not be a bad idea to occasionally post here to talk about things i can't in other places. Maybe i'll do that then.

I am looking for cheap hostelry for Origins weekend.
Isn't there a passel of hotels located on the interstate about 10 miles out from town proper? What's that Exit Number? I must admit i'm a little stymied in trying to find lodging that's not actually in town proper.

ALSO: Where's the best place to park cheap within a few blocks of convention centre? Someplace only a local is liable to know. I am fortunate insofar as I will not be monstrously over-packed this year.

I am an idiot. I remembered the last time i did two shows back to back and yet i went and big fat did it anyway. I really should know better.

And it looks as if Belle Brezing, if'n i get cast for it, will fire up almost immediately after I finish with the Rocky Horror Show. MADNESS!

Still, It's not all bad news. While I am generally sleep deprived at all times now, i can say honestly that i am on balance feeling fine. I've cut out caffeinated beverage altogether and i'm eating healthier. I'm losing weight as a direct result.

I've had the sniffles for the last few days, but it could have been a full blown cold. It only wasn't by dint of taking my vitamins regularly.

Had my identity stolen, but card services and my bank were so on top of it that I won't be liable for ANY of the fraudulent purposes. I'm fairly sure it's some teen jerk in my neighborhood as i've noticed my mail has been rifled through. I almost feel sorry for the little puke as he/she will likely be charged with electronic fraud.

Work life is the usual bunch of crap.

As much as i might bitch about my general lack of energy i have to say, i wouldn't trade working on this show for nearly anything. I love those crazy BCTC kids and i love working for Tim Davis. So, i may be tired, but i still be smiling.

Hell, one more show and i might be carved out of wood. Need to figure out some time during the day to do about ten minutes of free weights.

So. things got busy all of a sudden. Glengary Glen Ross is doing well ticket wise, (Tonight we opened. One of the best ad-libs i ever heard for a set threatening to fall down, happened tonight.) and as soon as i'm done with this weekends shows i'll be doing rehearsals for Rocky Horror Picture Show, where i'll be playing the Criminologist.

The RHPS is not a paying gig, but it'll be all kinds of fun. I am looking forward to it.

Works hours are long, but filled with all the things i can't seem to get done at home, I can't seem to sit in front of my OWN computer for more than 10 minutes at a crack.

Sleep is precious and flees at the slightest provocation.

There is no one breaking my heart on a regular basis at the moment, and i am strangely at peace with that. Happy even. I am wondering if this is the way i wired to be or whether i am being set up for a particularly heinous love affair to come... Regardless, I am not walking around here acting as if i'm waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I have writing projects in mind again, and strangely little time to write them. Hope to correct that problem and soon.

finally got around to making a passel of buttons and shirts for my zazzle store. Most of them for my fellow larper types.

http://www.zazzle.com/kinesys

So go round there. The buttons are fairly cheap, especially in bulk.
and i have been very happy with the quality of all the materials i've received from them.

Ok. I just can't take it anymore

When i was a much younger lad, I read a number of books by Ms. Ayn Rand. And a number of her ideas filtered into my noggin. While i wouldn't call myself an Objectivist specifically, there were a number of interesting ideas in her writing that i adopted as my own.

And I, for the most part, am a progressive liberal.

Objectivism is, to my way of thinking, a badly implemented philosophy by most of the people who purport to practice it. It shares much with Christianity in this regard. The main reason for this, is the same reason that Christianity is often decried as base hypocrisy.

Virtue is hard work.

You see. A lot of people who read Objectivism seem to elide that whole business about personal integrity being necessary to following the philosophy. The same way that a lot of cherry picking jerks read the Bible and seem to miss that whole thing about loving your neighbor... Hell. Ms. Rand once wrote a very interesting essay about Integrity being a necessary survival trait, and the only thing preventing us from being barbarian hordes.

I liked her books at the time, because the Fountainhead said a number of things to me about artistic integrity that i desperately needed to hear at that point in my life. I liked Atlas Shrugged because it pointed out to me that tyranny that IS in leftist politics, and how SHAME is the effective lever to force people to knuckle under to that power structure. (On the Right, the lever is FEAR) But i think coming out of the time and place she did, i can perhaps understand her love affair with venture capitalism.

Which leads me to think that Ms. Rand would be HORRIFIED at the people who pretend to espouse her philosophy today. She was categorically against the idea that you can govern by ignoring FACTS. Or that you can lead the people with LIES.

Call her an Elitist. Hell, call ME an elitist, But she and I share one thing in common for certain, and that is, that i don't wish my political process to be ruled by the Irrational, the Amoral, The Uneducated, or the Bone Stupid.

In fact, she introduced me to the idea of "Enlightened Self Interest" which i think is a vastly superior idea to the sort of greedy, short sighted, "Fuck you, i got mine" philosophy that passes for being a smart operator here in the U.S. of A. Is there anybody who understands playing the long game anymore, as opposed to short term gains at massive cost down the road?

So. I'm going on record as saying that i think if Ayn were alive today, She'd be backing the Progressives.(And SOME Libertarians) If only because her personal integrity would demand nothing less.

So. I'm having a thought, and I want to poll the congregation before proceeding.

I've let a lot of my stuff lie fallow of late. This is getting ready to change. I'm starting to feel the urge and itch to get back into my writing again. I don't know for certain what exactly i'm going do quite yet, but i do feel that I'm getting ready to write some more game theory, usually the sole province of the World Famous Crank Report.

But. The WFRC doesn't really have much of a fan-base and as such isn't really capable of any sort of viral traction.
And frankly i want my ideas to spread, infect, and fester within as many people as possible.

So. I'm NOT intent on ditching the WFRC at all. But i do think that i might post those things here first. and it automagically crossposts to my Farcebook (Hint: Pete Sears, in case you wanted to know) And once i've done that, then archiving the post over there.

And if Pinky starts talking to me, and telling me things again...I might have to post those things here too.

Does that make a certain amount of twisted sense?

Such posts would be prefaced by (WFCR) or (Pinky) before their title post.

What would I like?
I'd like an end to madness. I'd like people to stop incensing other people to go out and do violence to people they don't agree with.

I'd like a cultural revolution, preferably a bloodless one. I'd like us to try and deal our problems rather than clubbing one another over the head with Dogma.

I'd like an economic recovery based on the premise that it IS possible to see and feel when you are damaging the country with your hot-house philosophies. Even better plan, Know when to Stop!

I'd like a little more harmony, both here and abroad.

I'd like a little more security and a great deal LESS security theater. I'd like people to feel shame over their greed again, and i'd like a return to the days when people abused power and got caught doing it, and were then hounded out of office, instead of ghost-writing some damn book and going on tour.

I'm not asking for Kum-ba-ya. Just a better world.

And maybe a new chair for my computer desk. That'd be awesome.

1) People will request a song, and then, as soon as you play it, leave the party.

2) People will ask you for songs that are related to dances, many of which i have never heard of. I think the only one that i know is the electric slide...And the chicken dance.

3) Nothing gets people moving like old school funk.

4) There is always at least one person who is convinced that they could DJ better than you. At least SOME of those people will hop behind your rig and monkey with it, if you take a bathroom break. Invariably they'll fuck something up.

5) Someone will request a polka at a rave. Someone will ask to hear "Cop-killer" when you've been playing nothing but country all night long. The proper response to people like that is: "I'll try and get that on for you."

6) One song can cool off a dance floor.

7) There is no substitute for knowing your music cold. Although notes CAN help if your software allows them.

Anyone got any other hints?