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18 April 2013 @ 07:06 am
A speech I'm probably going to have to give.  
Are you certain you really want to have this discussion?

Ok.

No.

I don't want to be "just friends".

I am not interested in trying to be in a relationship with someone who is not interested in being in a relationship with me. That's just a whole smorgasbord of emotional pain for me.

Also, I am not interested in having a ringside seat for when you meet someone you do want to be with. That's a whole level of hurt beyond the real or imagined slights of the situation I just talked about.

You might say that you don't want to ruin our friendship. It's too late for that. I just put 2 bullets behind it's ear. Either way this was going to go, our relationship was going to change. There's no reset button.

I'm sure you'd LIKE for it to go back the way it was, where I loved you without any hope of reciprocity, because then you wouldn't be losing a friend. But if I lose a love, the fucking LEAST you could do, is lose me as a friend.

To demand that I remain in your life, after I screwed my courage to the sticking place, looked you in the eye, and put myself out there for you... And was rejected, shows a deep selfishness, and remarkable lack of sensitivity for my emotions. And if that's how you really want it, Then fuck you. I'm well shut of you.

We were friends. I wanted more. You wanted less. To pretend that going forward with one another is going to be anything less than painful for me, is bullshit. And going back to the way it was is NOT second prize.

I'd like to hate you for it. It would make my emotional life much less complicated and probably be easier on my GI tract. But I don't want to carry hate around. I don't need it weighing me down.

Don't make it impossible for me to let go of that Hate.
Don't make me hate you.
 
 
Current Mood: Morose, but not necessarily suicidal.
 
 
 
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Somebody Else's Problemtegyrius on April 19th, 2013 01:30 am (UTC)
Yes. This. I don't think I've ever known a woman who really understood how shitty "I'll just keep you around as a friend" is.
(Anonymous) on July 1st, 2013 08:14 am (UTC)
Glad to have you back on your own site.
So, who do I have to kill (metaphorically speaking)?

Your momcat
kinesyskinesys on July 7th, 2013 05:18 am (UTC)
Re: Glad to have you back on your own site.
It's alright. It's all over with anyway.
I didn't even have to make the speech.

She's gone away and I'm pretty sure i'll never see her again.
In this particular case, that counts as a win.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )